Knowing the Cost of Success

Many of our life and career aspirations require us to weigh the costs

Have you ever considered the cost of success? Each of us has a personal journey intertwining both life and career. We have (or should have) a vision regarding where we want to end up at the end of our journey, again both in our career and life. Mine has been a faith-based journey, with a daily prayer that God show me His vision for my life and that He mold me into the man He intends me to be. Regardless, on your own journey --- faith based or not, we each have an intention regarding where we would like to reach. Those visions involve aspects of family, education, job goals, professional goals, retirement goals, and even bucket lists. Life can be unpredictable, so sometimes we may have to modify those goals because of factors both within or outside of our control or sometimes as a consequence of decisions we made along the way. We still end up somewhere ---- either intentionally or non-intentionally.

In one of my earlier blogs on legacy, I mentioned a “Dash” poem by Linda Ellis, which deserves a read if you have never done so. The poem mentions that each of our lives involves a birth date and a death date. However, the quality of a life is measured by the dash between the years. We each want that dash to be the measure of a life that has been significant and fulfilling.

There is a parable in the New Testament of the Bible that talks about weighing costs. It is Luke 14: 28-33. It describes a man wanting to build a tower but not anticipating the cost and being unable to complete it. It also describes a king that wants to take his army into a battle but has not anticipated that the opposing army is much bigger than his own. It also describes the cost of discipleship.

The key is that everything has a cost that must be considered. Otherwise, there are unintended consequences.

Some of us Type A personality types often become so focused on the goal on the next step in attaining that life or career goal that we lose sight of the impact on the relationships around us and the costs of the steps in getting there.

After one of the mergers at my former employer, we each had to make a decision on relocating to Dallas. We had one-on-one sessions with our CIO at the time and one of the discussion items was our willingness to relocate to Dallas. I was ok moving and did. One of my peers related her conversation about the relocating issue. Her family situation was much different than mine with a spouse in a profession with strong local ties and two high-school-age boys. She was ok moving eventually, but not at present because she did not want to disrupt the boys from their high school because of the quality of education they were receiving and their social experiences there. The CIO responded with an astonishing statement. He indicated that he had relocated forty-eight times in his career and it had had a massive impact on the growing up experiences for his children. There were some good impacts, but overall, he wished he had not been so disruptive with their young lives by moving so often.

Many of my co-workers over the years had to make similar decisions about relocating to a distant city for an enticing job opportunity. Some did relocate, but many others did not. They weighed the cost and decided it was too high. Some reasons not to make such a life changing decision involve factors such as the social / safety network of family and friends in their current location, responsibilities for the elder care for a parent, special needs for a child, the cost of having to transition from an in-state tuition to an out-of-state tuition for any college students, cost of living in the new location, or a spouse or significant other that has a non-transferable (or not easily transferable) profession.  Sometimes the person that is being asked to transfer has a spouse or significant other who has a more lucrative career or location-based profession that cannot be “relocated.”  One peer of mine had a husband that was the US congress representative for their current location another had a spouse that was a mayor of their local community.

I often coached people on my team and others that I mentored that relocating was a very personal decision. They needed to weigh the costs and the benefits to determine what was right for them. There really is no “one size fits all” answer to such a personal decision.

Another “coaching” item was that with every progression up the career ladder there is a cost. The benefits include things like greater compensation, a more impressive title, greater responsibility, etc. But with each progression, there is an additional cost too. These costs often come at the expense of your family and relationships.

Many years ago, I became the first line supervisor of a recent college hire, let’s call him Bobby (not his real name). Bobby was a charismatic figure that had one of those upbeat personalities and jovial laughs that made people want to follow him anywhere. I used to joke that he was like the Pied Piper ---- from the storybook legend. Bobby’s dad was a Senior Vice President in the CFO organization was the comptroller for the corporation. His dad’s name was electronically signed on every paycheck. Unfortunately for Bobby, he was named after his dad ---- Bobby Jr. His dad and my VP had selected me to be his first boss in Alpharetta ---- to get him away from his dad’s spotlight. I was a safe choice because I had been on staff in the CFO organization and recently relocated, so I was well known and well respected.

Bobby was an outstanding employee. At his first performance review we also discussed his career aspirations. I was astonished at his answer.

I spent over 40 years at my previous employer. I relayed this story often in career discussions with other employees later. Bobby had more charisma and leadership skills than any other employee I have ever known. I often wondered if his leadership skills were genetic or environmental. His dad was a Senior Vice President. His mom had been a 4^th level manager (Associate Vice President / Director) before she passed away during his high school years. His stepmom was a 3^rd level manager (District Manager). He grew up in an environment where my employer’s culture and lingo were common. His parents nurtured him in an environment that was corporate culture friendly. I am not sure leadership has any genetic basis, but I used to ask myself the question about whether his leadership was genetic or environment based or a combination of both. There is no answer to that question.

I always believed that Bobby had the qualities to be a CEO one day. He had the skills – leadership, personality, charisma, etc for that to be a reality.

However, Bobby’s astonishing answer was this. He said, “I never want to reach the level or Vice President.”  He went on to explain that the quality of his family’s life suffered when his dad was promoted to Vice President (and subsequent promotions). Before that promotion, they had a good family life with time spent together, good trips, quality time for their mom and for himself and his sister. After the promotion, his dad was on calls late at night and on weekends and his dad travelled continuously. Family functions were often interrupted or had to be re-scheduled due to work related issues. The family quality of life suffered.

As a 20-year-old, he understood the cost of success. He believed the cost was too great for his career and other life aspirations.

Bobby eventually left my employer after 20+ years. He was a Vice President at the time. He still was considered a high potential candidate for other opportunities within my employer’s executive and C-suite structure, but he chose to jump off the ship and not pay the associated cost.

Life and career are heavily intertwined. Goals and aspirations for one impact the other. We each need to think about the costs that one has on the other. Never just blindly grab an opportunity (that golden ring on the ladder perhaps) without weighing the cost. Otherwise, you may have regrets that the cost was too high with little chance of repairing the damage it caused.