The Importance of Conversations: A Journey Through Time

Cherishing Moments with Loved Ones

Have you ever had a friend say something that changed your life forever? As a young, recent college graduate, I met a couple—Annette and Charlie—who played a crucial role in shaping the man I am today. They were like a second set of parents to me. They helped me discover my worldview and establish the values that would guide me throughout my life. They were also role models for being a person of faith.

I often found myself surrounded by other young adults who gravitated toward Charlie and Annette. Many nights were spent in their home, enjoying stir-fry cooked in a wok or listening to Charlie—or another young adult named Tim—read stories from books. We went on camping trips and day hikes together. We even took joint vacations, like a week at the beach. Each moment was filled with learning, growth, and mentorship.

The Impact of Family and Friends

Annette was an only child, living just down the street from her parents. Her mom and dad became additional grandparents to us all. Sadly, her dad was diagnosed with bone cancer and underwent various treatments for a long time. Most days were manageable, but the last 18 months were tough, especially the final three months, which were brutal. He was under hospice care at home, surrounded by his wife, daughter, son-in-law, grandkids, and many young adults who saw him as their grandfather. We often sat with him, sharing stories and companionship in those later stages of his illness.

After one visit, as her dad approached the end, Annette and I had a conversation that changed my life. I asked if there was anything I could do to help as the days slipped away. They had already taken care of all the end-of-life legal matters, updating beneficiary information and transferring property titles to Annette or her mom. Then Annette made a comment that has stuck with me all these years. She said, “Mike, there have been long days and hours where my dad and I have talked about everything we ever wanted to talk about. There are no last things to discuss or subjects that we needed to talk about and resolve. My daddy is ready to go and meet Jesus.”

The Weight of Unspoken Words

What a remarkable statement! Too often, when someone close to us passes away, we wish for just one more day or hour with them. We long for a second chance to discuss important matters or to resolve lingering issues. Unfortunately, we rarely get that “extra” chance.

My mom recently turned ninety-five and is experiencing the diminishing mental clarity that many older people face. Last summer, I recalled Annette’s conversation about having discussed everything she ever wanted with her dad. Inspired by this, I began a nightly routine of talking to my mom. These weren’t utilitarian conversations about her day or how she was feeling. Instead, I aimed for open-ended discussions about whatever she wanted to share.

Discovering Hidden Stories

I asked open-ended questions, allowing her to take the conversation wherever her mind wandered. I followed up with questions, and our talks were filled with stories about her life—stories I had never heard before. I learned about how she met my dad and their dating life before marriage. They were in a bowling league—something we never did after having kids! I discovered details about their engagement and marriage. I even learned that my mom played basketball in high school but wasn’t allowed to join the school team due to transportation issues from a school too far away in the next town.

We discussed her likes and dislikes, memories of cousins, aunts, uncles, and her parents. The conversations overflowed with stories—some hilarious, others poignant. These tales were at risk of being forgotten, lost forever when she passes. I’ve been able to share some of them with my siblings, ensuring that her legacy lives on.

The Gift of Time

My mom is delighted to have the opportunity to tell her stories and reflect on her life. I have enjoyed these conversations just as much as she has. Many of us have aging parents who won’t be with us forever. Too often, we get caught up in the daily grind of keeping them safe, cared for, and healthy.

I encourage you to take the time to get to know your loved ones better. Listen to their stories. Someday, it may be too late to do that. Annette imparted some sage wisdom when she shared that she and her dad had discussed everything they ever wanted to talk about. I believe this made her grief a little easier to bear. I am sure it will be the same for me when the time comes for my mom.

For now, though, my mom and I continue to enjoy each day together. I learn more about the experiences that shaped her life as we talk about everything we ever wanted to discuss. It has been a worthwhile investment of time.

Conclusion: Embracing the Journey

In the end, life is about the connections we make and the stories we share. Each conversation is a thread that weaves the fabric of our relationships. So, let’s cherish these moments. After all, we never know how much time we have left. Embrace the journey and make the most of every conversation.