The Importance of Kindness in a Polarized World

Understanding Our Polarized Reality

We live in a polarized world. Friends have been lost due to differing opinions—political or otherwise. Family members barely tolerate each other because of their political beliefs. How did we get here? Many blame social media, and that’s at least partially true. With the rise of social media, we often retreat into echo chambers where our views are reinforced by like-minded individuals. We measure the value of our opinions by the number of “likes” we receive on our posts and comments.

We absolutely— and there are few absolutes—cannot believe everything we see or read. Fake news, manipulated videos, and synthetic personas impersonating people we trust are rampant. The adage that you cannot believe everything you see or read on the internet is an undeniable truth in today’s environment.

Every day, we witness the decline of once-trusted sources of information. The ongoing demise of printed newspapers is a travesty. Many periodicals failed to monetize their product effectively, and the advantage of real-time updates has rendered paper newspapers nearly obsolete. When was the last time you encountered an unbiased investigative report on a significant issue? Objective, fact-based journalism seems to have become a lost art. We tend to consume news through quick snippets on our smartphones. Honestly, how many of us have read a full article or book in the past year? We’ve graduated to 20-second videos that barely scratch the surface of what we need to know.

Moreover, I think we’ve lost the ability—or desire—to be kind. I’m not sure what caused this decline, but acts of kindness that were once commonplace are now often newsworthy.

What Is Kindness?

I decided to ask ChatGPT for an AI perspective on kindness. The response was enlightening: “Kindness is the choice to treat others with care, empathy, and goodwill—through both small everyday actions and bigger sacrifices.” Wow! We are a long way from that!

We all know people we would describe as kind. I had the privilege of delivering a eulogy at my dad’s funeral. I described him as a man who spontaneously demonstrated acts of random kindness to anyone. He never met a stranger.

When you look in the mirror, is the reflection someone you would describe as kind? Is that something you have considered as a goal—to be seen by others as a kind person?

I’ve mentioned in my earlier blogs that I am a born-again Christian. In my daily quiet time, I pray scriptures from the Bible. One of the scriptures I pray daily is that I be transformed by the Holy Spirit (from the inside out) to be a man filled with the fruits of the Spirit and a channel of blessings to those around me. The fruits of the Spirit are described in Galatians 6:22-23: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.”

What a big aspirational goal to be kind! I frequently ponder what being kind looks like in myself and in my fellow humans. Below are some thoughts on the characteristics of being a kind person.

Characteristics of Kindness

1. Active Listening

Be an active listener and seek to really understand what others are telling you before responding. In his award-winning book, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey tells a story about a conversation between a father and his son regarding the son’s desire to drop out of school. I wrote an earlier blog that I encourage you to check out if you haven’t read it: Seek To Understand, Before Being Understood.

The Covey principle is to seek to understand before being understood. In our short attention span world, we often focus on crafting our response instead of practicing active listening skills. Like the son in the story, the root cause of his desire to drop out was really his fear of disappointing his parents. Without active listening, probing, and encouraging transparency, the father would never have learned the truth, and the son would not have received the help he needed.

2. Empathy Development

Learn to be empathetic. This is a skill that must be developed. Very few of us are born with the ability to empathize. Be a caring listener. Sometimes, just being there for someone is more important than trying to solve their problems. Try to see yourself in their situation and understand how they feel. Think about how you might have responded in their shoes. If they ask for your advice, be willing to give honest feedback—not just what they want to hear. Remember, a true friend gives hard advice when warranted. Someone who only tells you what you want to hear is not a real friend.

3. Letting Go of Anger

Letting go of anger and resentment is crucial. It only hurts you and impacts everyone around you. In another one of my blogs, My Journey From Betrayal Through Forgiveness, I discussed my personal journey in forgiving someone who I felt betrayed my friendship and work relationship. Anger and resentment are like cancers that eat us up inside and negatively affect our relationships. Being a kind person may begin with learning to forgive yourself as well as others. Remember, forgiveness is a choice.

4. Honesty and Conflict Resolution

Be honest with others and resolve conflict quickly. There’s a verse in Ephesians 4:26 that says, “Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.” I always encouraged my teams to resolve conflicts. We worked together for many hours a day, often late into the night and on weekends. Trust and honesty were essential. Conflict that festers eventually boils over and destroys trust and goodwill. Resolving conflict doesn’t mean you have to completely agree; you can agree to disagree. The important thing is that you’ve discussed the issue and at least understand each other’s point of view. Often, understanding a different perspective can change our own.

5. Stepping Back When Angry

When you’re angry about a situation, step back and agree to discuss it later when you’re both calmer. Have you ever sent a scathing email that you wish you could take back? A key principle I found in my management style was to give frequent and timely feedback. However, sometimes we get caught up in the heat of the moment and say or do things we regret. Angry words are often intended to injure. Reviewing a situation and providing feedback later, when calmer heads prevail, is much more constructive. I’ve found I’m a better listener when I’m calm. If the situation warrants, I also encourage others to step away and grab a cup of coffee to discuss. A neutral setting can be a great help in resolving conflict.

6. Being Present

Be present in the moment. Ever get tunnel vision and miss something important around you? Being kind requires living in the moment. Opportunities for kindness are everywhere. Hold the door open for someone. Thank someone serving you. If you look for opportunities to be kind, you’ll find they’re all around you. That doesn’t mean you should spend all your time distracted by acts of kindness, but the opportunities are there for you to choose each day. Develop a habit of asking yourself each night if you demonstrated kindness that day. If not, set a goal to be kind at least once tomorrow.

7. Seeing the Good in Others

Use rose-colored lenses to see the world and people around you with goodwill. When I meet someone, I give them my trust, but they may earn my distrust. Don’t be cynical or always look for malicious intent. People are generally good and deserve respect. I try to walk five miles daily around my urban neighborhood, which has many homeless individuals. I’ve learned to develop relationships with several of them. Ask them how they’re doing. If it’s extremely cold or hot, remind them to seek shelter. Offer them a bottle of water or an extra sweater or coat you no longer wear. Always be careful—there are people with bad intentions—but generally, people just want to be seen, heard, and respected.

8. Practicing Kindness

Practice acts of kindness. One of my favorite radio stations in Dallas shared a story about someone going through a fast-food drive-thru and telling the cashier they wanted to pay for the order of the person behind them. That act of kindness encouraged a chain reaction, lasting for thirty-two customers before stopping. Wow! Start small. You’re not looking for recognition; you just want to be kind to another person on this planet. Make their day.

Kindness is contagious. Be kind in an unkind world. You’ll see the world differently. You’ll see yourself differently too. Your day will start better if that reflection in the mirror each morning looks like a kinder, gentler person. As you are kind to others, their attitudes, opinions, and treatment of you will change too.

Conclusion: Reflecting on Our Souls

As a postscript, I recently completed a book that I highly recommend. It’s Seeing the Supernatural by Lee Strobel. I saw him interviewed on a podcast discussing miracles. He is also a Christ follower. He started as an atheist, trained as a lawyer, and became a journalist. He became a Christian after investigating the evidence about who Christ was and whether His claims were accurate. He became a Christian in 1981. He has written many excellent books, many of which are apologetic—looking to factually prove tenets of his faith. Two of my favorites are The Case for Christ and The Case for a Creator.

This book, Seeing the Supernatural, argues that miracles happen around us all the time. We are surrounded by the supernatural, but we often fail to see them. He covers subjects including the fact that everyone is born with a soul, spiritual encounters, mystical dreams, the reality of angels and demonic forces, and our eternal destiny. He concludes with a personal miracle testimony: “Putting our trust in the resurrected Christ transformed our values, our character, our morality, our worldview, our attitudes, our philosophy, and most importantly our eternities. And that is a miracle in itself!”

He follows up with a question: “What about your own soul?” That’s a question we each have to answer. Our eternal destiny is determined by the answer. Good works—like being kind—do not guarantee a ticket to an eternal destiny with God. Only a relationship with His Son, Jesus, as Savior and Lord assures that destiny.